September 2023 Newsletter

Life in Calgary

I am Sleeping in Jon Hamm’s Bed

I am sleeping in Jon Hamm’s bed. Not the one in his Italianate villa overlooking Lake Como, of course, but the one that he used while filming a TV series in Calgary last year. I can’t tell you the name of the series because I’m sworn to secrecy, but the pig-Latin pronunciation is Argo-fay.

How I came to be sleeping in Jon Hamm’s bed is really banal. Our friends were flying to BC and needed someone to baby-sit their tomato plants for the weekend. As they were leaving, they said, “Oh, by the way, we rented our home to Jon Hamm last winter.”

“Not the handsome but morally-compromised ad executive who starred in Mad Men?”

“That’s the one.”

I fluff the bedsheet. It’s one of those micro-fabrics that feel like it’s made of baby seal. I imagine Jon and his girlfriend having breakfast in bed, eating French toast with real Canadian maple syrup, when suddenly Jon reaches beneath his pillow and pulls out a jewelry box with a ring and asks her to marry him! I lean over and peek under the bed for the discarded box; a dust bunny stares forlornly back. Still, I can imagine his Fiancée taking Jon in her arms and giving him a big kiss then spilling the maple syrup as she jumps his bones.

I don’t know why I can’t tell you the name of the TV series. It’s not like nobody knew he was here. When the cleaning ladies showed up at the door, he said; “Hi! I’m Jon Hamm.” They all took selfies and shared them with half of Manila. When I walked in to a local take-out shop to buy lunch the other day, there was a signed-photo of him behind the till with a big sign advertising the day’s special, Hamm Sandwich. Like, subtle.

I am drying my clothes in the dryer. There must be six months-worth of lint in the catcher. It is kind of dusty but I keep it because it just might have some remnant of Jon’s socks tucked in there. I’m thinking of making a beret if I can figure out how to keep from sneezing.

I discover a half-empty jar of Jiff sitting in the rear of the pantry. I envision Jon having a bachelor dinner in the living room by sticking a knife in and licking the peanut butter off. Doesn’t taste too bad, though.

There is a copy of Jon’s script on the book shelf. I know it’s his because someone has helpfully written Jon Hamm’s script on the spine. Jon plays Sheriff Ray Tillman, a rancher with some anger management issues. It contains only the first five episodes, so don’t bother asking me how it ends, although I highly recommend you get a subscription to FX or Hulu and watch it when it drops November 21, 2023.

A big shout-out to Laurie and her book club in Calgary! Their featured book this month is The Hotel Seamstress, and they graciously invited me for a Q&A session. The book is available on Kindle Unlimited, and you can also pick up a copy of the eBook or paperback on Amazon.

Subscribers can now read all my books on Kindle Unlimited!

You can also order my eBooks and paperbacks on Amazon!

Movie Review

Barbie

Starring Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling

“You want to go see Barbie? Are you nuts?”

Yes, yes, I know I’m supposed to check out Oppenheimer, but, man, can’t a guy just chill, for once?

And, guess what? Barbie isn’t just for kids, not by a long shot. From the very first scene, an homage to 2001; A Space Odyssey, where the black obelisk is replaced by a blonde in a bathing suit who incites children to destroy their old dolls in apelike brutality, you know this ain’t no Disney flick.

Instead, Greta Gerwig has constructed a highly entertaining movie that explores the dichotomy between male and female-dominated societies.

The story opens in Barbie Land, which is populated by all the versions of Barbie ever created by Mattel, including Astronaut Barbie, Doctor Barbie and Disco Barbie. All of the Supreme Court is occupied by Barbies, as is the Pink House.

All of the Kens, on the other hand, are subservient to Barbie. They hang out at the beach and wait to be noticed.

All is perfect, until Stereotypical Barbie (played by Robbie), suddenly begins to get bad vibes from one of her owners in the Real World. Her feet go flat and she begins to have nightmares about mortality. Weird Barbie (delightfully played by Kate McKinnon), advises her to go to the Real World and set things straight before she gets cellulite.

Barbie and Ken trek to LA, where they promptly get into a series of fish-out-of-water scrapes with the law. Barbie realizes that reality sucks, but Ken discovers patriarchy, where men rule the world. He takes his findings back.

When Barbie finally returns to Barbie Land, she finds that everything has been turned upside down, with all the other Barbies fawning over muscle-bound dudes. Appalled, she seeks out the help of Weird Barbie, who comes up with a solution; “By giving voice to the cognitive dissonance of living under patriarchy, you rob it of its power.”

In other words, show that the Emperor has no clothes.

Now, if you’re wondering how this goes over with an audience of six-year olds wearing tutus, worry not; there’s more than enough dog-poop jokes and dance numbers to keep them screaming in the aisles.

Barbie: it’s nuts, it’s funny and it’s in your face. I highly recommend you go see it while it’s still in theaters and enjoy one of the most original movies made in a long, long time.

Book Review

Cinema Speculation

By Quentin Tarantino

I became a big fan of Quentin Tarantino when I first saw Pulp Fiction. It was violent, scary and in-your-face in a way that I had never seen before. I was so riveted that I could remember, scene-by-scene, exactly what had happened. But one of the biggest questions in my mind was; “Who could create this film?”

Cinema Speculation is a first-hand account of how director Quentin Tarantino’s childhood was shaped by cinema. At the age of six, his single mother would take him with her when she went on dates to double-feature movies. Starting at the age of six, he was exposed to graphically-violent movies such as The Wild Bunch, MASH and Bonnie and Clyde.

And he loved every gory, blood-splattered moment of it.

The memoir is broken down into two dozen essays, each focusing on either a classic action movie such as The Getaway, or on a director or actor who he cherishes for their contributions to film.

As a respected auteur in his own right, Tarantino has gone back to the titans of the industry and interviewed them to determine how each film came together, right from how the script was molded to the choice of actors and the artistic decisions that ultimately made an otherwise pedestrian movie into a masterpiece.

One quibble; the author doesn’t explore the entrails of any of his own films. I can only hope that that’s the subject of his next book. In the meantime, I highly recommend Cinema Speculation to all cinephiles!